Apart from domestic violence, infidelity is another major cause of divorce or break-up in marriages or relationships.

Infidelity in simple English can be defined as the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other partner- Infidelity can be emotional or sexual- In this post, I will refer to infidelity as both sexual and emotional. I intend to do a post at a later date on various kinds of infidelity.

So, who do we blame in a relationship where there has being an infidelity by one of the partner? Some society generally points a finger at the other partner (the faithful one) as being responsible for the other partner’s behaviour. As an individual with a mixed orientation (African and European) I could remember when I was about to get married, One of my aunties called me and told me (in African aunty’s tone) If you do not look after your husband, he will venture out and find someone else to look after him, she almost went as far as telling me to become a door mat if I want my marriage to work. Well, I completely disagreed with her- but obviously, if you folks know anything about African culture, it’s that you are never too old to get a slap from an older person- so to avoid any face alterations, I kept my opinion to myself.  In African culture, generally, fingers are pointed directly at the woman if the man gets involved in any acts of infidelity, her behaviour is scrutinized to find something she isn’t doing right, and since no one is perfect- of course something will be found- but does this now solve the problem in the marriage? It’s almost like this society is telling men to go into a marriage believing that if any issues comes up, instead of fixing it- they seek a solution in another woman elsewhere- and if they find what they do not like in the next woman, they seek the next- and the next and the next after the next- and the vicious circle continues leaving a man unsettled and lots of women hurt along the line. I believe once you get into a marriage or a relationship, all effort should be made to make this union work. It will never work if one party believes they are better off elsewhere.

So, now that we have eliminated the fact that it is the other partner’s fault for their partner’s infidelity- who is to blame? How about the cheat himself or herself? Has it ever occurred to anyone that this person may have underlining issues that makes them insatiable of anything they get from their union? Maybe these issues can be addressed and perhaps fixed if possible although some situations cannot be fixed but at the end of it all- we must always ensure we point our blame fingers to the right directions. The last thing someone who is already dealing with an infidelity in their marriage or relationship needs is to be blamed for someone else’s actions.

Photo-credit – www.bettermarriages.org

Now over to you folks…what do you think?